Revival of That Someone

Koko Kaina

2007-12-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

How could I have missed this! Her voice is very classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMH86_UqFw4

<3

I'm sorry, what?!

2007-12-02T21:50:00.000-08:00

"Wealth is of the heart and mind. Not of the pocket."

Yeah, unless you live in California. Heh.

Time flies when you're having fun!

2007-12-01T00:57:00.001-08:00

It sure does!

Holy crap it's December already! Am I the only one who feels like this year flew by with a quickness?! Probably not. I can still recall the start of the year.

This past Black Friday, I was suppose to start my Christmas shopping, but instead purchased numerous gifts for myself. Muahaha!

Will try it again this weekend.

"hello? is it me you're looking for?" heh.

2007-11-17T00:10:00.000-08:00

Wow, I wasn't aware that I've pretty much abandoned this place. I guess it's time to clean out the cobwebs, and jump start this place once again.

We're gonna party like it's 1999! Wait. Nevermind.

I know, cheesy. BUT!...

2007-06-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

Listening to The Wailers' version of "And I Love Her" with your eyes closed and body swaying with the rhythm of the song is definitely something else. Especially at the ending of the horn-session where Bob goes, "yeaaah heh".

That is great.

"War" - Bob Marley & The Wailers

2007-05-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

What life has taught me
I would like to share with
Those who want to learn...

Until the philosophy which hold one race
Superior and another inferior
Is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned
Everywhere is war, me say war

That until there are no longer first class
And second class citizens of any nation
Until the colour of a man's skin
Is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes
Me say war

That until the basic human rights are equally
Guaranteed to all, without regard to race
Dis a war

That until that day
The dream of lasting peace, world citizenship
Rule of international morality
Will remain in but a fleeting illusion
To be persued, but never attained
Now everywhere is war, war

And until the ignoble and unhappy regimes
that hold our brothers in Angola, in Mozambique,
South Africa sub-human bondage
Have been toppled, utterly destroyed
Well, everywhere is war, me say war

War in the east, war in the west
War up north, war down south
War, war, rumours of war

And until that day, the African continent
Will not know peace, we Africans will fight
We find it necessary and we know we shall win
As we are confident in the victory

Of good over evil, good over evil, good over evil
Good over evil, good over evil, good over evil

A rude awakening?

2007-01-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

This morning the boss came by my area, and greeted me a happy 30th bday. I thanked him, and that's when it finally registered.

Under my breath I quietly uttered, "Damn. I'm 30." I swear for moment there, I had a panic attack. Hah! And I don't know why all of a sudden age became an issue.

Whatever. I'm so over it. That was, like, so yesterday's news.

Horoscope

2007-01-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). With the holidays ostensibly over, there's a slight void instead of that feeling of relief you were expecting. It's the universe's way of telling you to start planning the next big event of your life.
...

Mmmh-hmm.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

2006-11-13T22:16:00.000-08:00

It was tougher than I had thought. But I swallowed my pride, and decided to go ahead with it. I had no other options, really. And for now, there is no turning back. Well, just for now that is.

Yep, I made the chose of moving back in with the parents. Sigh.

I received a mail today notifying me that my monthly mortgage is going to increase yet again. And it's tough. It's tough having a single-income with a mortgage, especially in this neck of the woods.

Though I'm not yet convinced in selling it, but instead will sit on it, and rent it out for the meantime. So now the search for an agency to help me out with renting out the place has begun.

Though there is several advantages of moving back in with them, however, why then do I feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest? Heh.

It's a boy!

2006-10-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

This past Thursday, I was in L.A. due to work. And on my drive home, I received an unexpected call from my brother-in-law.

He'd asked me if I was able to take care of the niece for the night, and also that my older sister just gave birth to a baby boy. Yep, another addition to the family! That makes 2 addition in the past couple of months alone.

Man, my brother and I have a lot of catching up to do.

Hey there, good looking!

2006-10-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

She's everything I look for in a person. She's cute as a button, one-year my junior, and actually laughs at my dumb jokes. God don't fuck up this one!

And I don't know whether to proceed it with caution or not.
Oh my god don't fuck up this one now! Please.

Free Hugs Campaign

2006-09-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

With all the craze going on all 'round the world, it's nice to see something like this for a change. Do spread the ~~words~~ video around.

:)

The send-off.

2006-07-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

It's slowly starting to settle in that EM and his wife are nearing the day with their move to Florida. At the end of the month, they'll be gathering all their belongings and trekking across the country.

It was about 5 months ago when they broke the news. I was picking them up at the airport. And in the car heading back to their place, EM mentioned that he had something important to say. With the unusual tone in his voice, I knew that it wasn't going to be anything good.

His mom had called them while they were away on their vacation. The news was that the doctors are giving his dad only less than a yr to live, due to his heart condition. So he made an executive decision that the best thing for him and his wife is move closer to his parents, and spend as much time as possible with his dad.

I was speechless to say the least. I mean, what's a person to say when their best friend brings up something like that, right? Though I do recall just asking him if he's all right. He said that it was inevitable, and was just a matter of time. And that they've been aware of his condition for several yrs now. They had mentioned that in a yr or so, they'll again evaluate their situation and see if they'd like to settle their for good, or move back in to town, or to another city.

I think it might be a bit daunting trying to adjust with them not being around. Though we'll all be in touch no matter what.

Quoted on RBJ.

2006-07-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

I wasn't aware of it till late this evening. So much for trying to keep a low profile and remain anonymous, eh? Haha, I'm kidding. Thanks, Carlos!

more

Play ball!

2006-07-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to join a softball league for a while now. I participated in one while living in the NW. I've actually gotten in contact with several people in the past around the area, but just didn't get around to attending their first game.

Well, it wasn't till earlier this week that I went searching for one again, and found a league in Craigslist that's just about to start. So in about 3 hrs is the start of the first of two games that's taking place later this evening. I've informed them already that I might not be able to make it for the first game due to afternoon rush-hour traffic, but will definitely be there for the second game!

It's $79 a person. And my buddy, CN, is joining also, which is a good thing 'cause I now am at least familiar with one person already.

Huh? Come again?

2006-06-25T03:34:00.000-07:00

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The biggest issue is how you're going to make more money in less time. It's not so much about being efficient as it is about choosing projects that compel you to lose track of time altogether.

Dumbass of The Week.

2006-06-22T01:33:00.000-07:00

Buying grocery is like a box of chocolate. You'll never know what you're gonna get (actually it's the people that you'll run into).

I had about 10 tuna cans and 4 pints of Ben & Jerry's (they were on sale) - including other miscellaneous items - preparing to pay for them, when a couple behind me were also in the verge of unloading their groceries. I was minding my own business when the guy suddenly blurted out, "Holy cow, I wish I had you're diet! Tuna and ice cream?"

I responded with, "Now what makes you think I'm on a diet just because I have cans of tuna? How'd you come up with that theory, Einstein? I mean look at what you're buying. A stack of steak? Now don't tell me you're in a protein diet."

He then turned towards his gf, pointed at my items, and sarcastically asked, "Can I have that diet, too?!"

She didn't response nor budge to his question. And as he strolled closer towards me, I smelled the stench of alcohol in him and noticed his eyes a bit reddish assuming from the heavy drinking.

Oh this is way too easy. Seriously, what is this guy thinking? You can't out smart a smart-ass.

Not surprised one bit, the moron wouldn't stop mouthing off.

"Can I pay for your items?"
"Sure, be my guess. Shit, saves me some money."
"..."

Pointing at the rolled-up cash in his hand, I winked and said, "Money please."
"Haha, I was just joking."

And at this point the cashier herself was fed up with him also, and decided to join in with the fun.

"Hey, I had a tuna sandwich for lunch."
"Exactly. And for dinner you're gonna have yourself some ice cream, right?"
"Mmmh-hmm!"
"Thank you! At least you and I see eye-to-eye. We're still young, right? Let us eat what ever we want!"
"Haha!"

And right there and then, he became silent. I think he finally realized that he was losing grip of his own battle. Dumbass.

Funnily enough, as I was walking away - and I kid you not - the guy thanked me for letting him joke around with me. I laughed, and told him that it wasn't a problem.

"Prom" - Sugarfree

2006-06-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

nalalasing sa iyong tingin
di malaman laman ang gagawin
habang lumalamim ang gabi
ay lumalapit ang ating mga labi

Wow, that is deep! Heh.

Anger Management.

2006-06-05T10:51:00.001-07:00

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fuckin' number!", and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!", and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop. But then I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen. And I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, and that I was on my way over there to kill my neighbor. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.

I've been tagged by the lovely G.

2006-05-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 facts/things/habits
about yourself.

1. I skipped a grade in high school, and only finished a semester of my freshmen year, which I now sorta regret by doing so.

2. I almost drowned while surfing 2 years ago. Lesson learned... don't surf alone in an isolated area, and to never underestimate the strength of Mother Nature.

3. I can flawlessly play Foo Fighters' "Everlong". I made it somewhat of a mission to do so after hearing their acoustic rendition of it on Howard Stern.

4. I only have one close Asian friend in real life, and the rest are non-Asian. Come to think, she's only half.

5. I tend to go on a fast-food binge for weeks without going to the gym. And when I feel my mid-section growing twice its size, I become a health freak and hit the gym hard!

6. I've been told on several occassions that my niece looks a lot like me, and that I can pass off as her dad.

7. I lived in a low-income neighborhood for the first 6 years of living in the US. People have a hard time believing that when I first mention it. Though I truly admire my parents for how they handled and carried themselves throughout the years.

8. I can be an asshole, and not afraid to "burn bridges".
...

Tagging the following wonderful people... Anna, Mela, Jackie, and Amanda. ^_^

Who me? Get out of town!

2006-05-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

I get many people thinking that I’m a social butterfly. Heck, it may be true around the workplace and on few occasions outside it, but the honest truth is, I don’t even come close to being one.

Earlier this week, SS called and asked why I haven’t called, emailed, or gotten a hold of her as of late. Eh, you know. I had not a real explanation, actually. I pretty much just gave her the usual bullshit answers, you know, been busy with work and what have you.

She called me anti-social. I chuckled a bit and said, yep. Heh! I mean after knowing me for so many years, that shouldn’t have surprised her one bit.

Though I’ll admit, the sadness of it all is that it has always been the downfall of my past relationships. I can’t pinpoint it out, nor give a proper explanation. It’s just... I like being left alone. I like doing things on my own.

I just need my space sometimes.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.

2006-05-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

The weather has been butt ugly the past month, you know, with May-gray and what have you. It's not until today that it's finally gotten nice again.

I know I should have found a way to call-in sick today, heh.

And come to think, June-gloom is just around the corner, too...
'tang ina.

Baby update from NYC.

2006-05-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, so we went to the doctor this morning to see how the baby is growing and of course to find out whether we're having a girl or a boy.

The doctor says that the baby looks good - strong heart beat, weight 12oz now and is moving the way it should be at 5 months. We saw the hands, feet, brain, tummy, nose, eyes. . . basically everything except for the baby's gender.

The baby's feet were all curled up where the doctor could check for a boy or a girl. They tried to guess... first doctor said it was a girl, the other doctor said it was a boy (talk about no help). They did everything to make the baby move (they even had me lay down upside down to make the baby shift), but he/she did not budge, so they couldn't give us a 100% answer.

Sorry guys, I guess we all just have to wait until September.

Okay that's all for now. Have a great week!!!

Love,
*sister*

Mmmh-hmm.

2006-04-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Because you judge your romantic encounters by feelings more than content, it doesn't matter where you go or what you do on a date. All that matters now is the chemistry.

And so it goes.

2006-04-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

I've been out of town for the past couple of days due to work, and I happen to read the following just now, which was in my mailbox...

Hi L,

ND and I have agreed to stay until the end of April, and after that we will live in seperate places. It's really hard right now for the both of us especially since we are not together.

We are still friends, but she needs her time to get over me. I'm sorry L, you're an awesome roommate, and the place is cool, but I know staying there by myself without her will only make me think of her.

I'm checking out places this weekend when I have time. Thanks L.

QP

So it is true after all!

2006-03-14T21:21:00.000-08:00

I just found out how much I'll be receiving back from Unlce Sam! OMG. I'll be able to fund my planned trip after all, not just one, but perhaps all three!

So there is a huge pay-off of being a home owner and what not. And all these time, I thought it was all a damn myth. Muahaha.

Ciao!

2006-03-12T15:46:00.000-08:00

One of my coworkers left the company this past Friday. She found a job in Hawaii as a nanny. We teased her constantly due to the fact that she majored in Communication, and yet here she was accepting a job as a nanny for a 3-year old child.

She has it made, so she says, living rent free in a gated community/resort, while the sandy beach is literally just walking distance away. I guess you can say... look who's laughing now?

And for some odd reason that brought me back to living in Northwest, and had just been laid off. I had the option of moving anywhere! The thought of moving to Europe crossed my mind several times, too.

The only reason why I didn't follow through with it was due to the fact that I knew that my older sister and her husband were finally going to "start" their family. And that alone made me decide on moving back home. I wanted to be around my future niece or nephew.

The Big Apple was also another consideration since my other sister resided out there. Though it never really crossed my mind til I visited almost a year later. I absolutely pictured myself living there, too. But that opportunity was already late.

Now, I can't just up-and-go as I please. I don't evev have the options to do so, which I once had. Reason being? Having commit myself to hefty mortgage is rather a demanding task! Although it does suck up a majority of my income, however, I'm not complaining either. I'm quite content, actually.

The DaVinci Code!

2006-02-23T19:18:00.000-08:00

I think it was 2 xmas' ago when my brother gave me a copy of The DaVinci Code as a gift. And for the longest time, I would read a couple of pages and set it aside (the beginning of the book is/was really slow). It literally sat untouched for almost a year.

Then I heard that the movie was coming out this spring! So I made the decision to finally read through it before it came out. And I'm quite glad I did.

Getting through the first couple of chapters was the tough part 'cause it did drag like there was no tomorrow. Although it did eventually started to pick up! When the hidden messages of DaVinci's artwork started to emerge, that's when I got hook! Especially his painting of the Last Supper. Now I can see why many Catholics are bit fumed by the author of the book, because it did mention many things regarding the religion. However, it was quite interesting and made me ponder on a few things.

I was three-quarter in to the book when I learned that Tom Hanks would be playing the role of the main character. And to be honest I was a bit disappointed by it. I dunno, I just pictured someone a lot more different than him. And the role of Sophia, I kept picturing Monica Bellucci playing her character, you know, the lovely femme from The Matrix II. Yeah. :-/

Though I'm still looking forward to watching the movie on its opening weekend!

...

i don't know your name, but excuse me miss
i saw you from across the room.
i know you're tryin' to leave, but excuse me miss
i saved the last dance for you.

I've been playing this song on repeat over and over and over! And I know it's gonna get old sooner or later, but I can't help but do my "Usher" moves while it plays! Haha!! ^_^

VDay & The Notebook.

2006-02-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

So valentine's day came and went. Honestly, it was like another ordinary day for me. For some odd reason I don't get suck into this whole vday hoopla/loneliness of not having someone. Then again maybe it's because this was the 3rd year in a row since I've had someone that meant a lot to me. Though surprisingly enough, I did receive a box of chocolates and a card from the roomies.

I finally got a chance to watch The Notebook. My coworker was kind enough to let me borrow her copy, and took it home this weekend. I liked it! It was one of those romantic movies that tug at your heart (damn, that sounded so sappy), and kept you glued on to the screen until the credits role in. I can already predict her first question, and that is if I shed any tears. Truthfully, no I didn't.

Hey, I'm not afraid to admit that I do enjoy watching a few chick-flicks now and then (did I just admit to that?). Though please do keep that in the downlow, haha!

"FOUR" is the magic number!

2006-02-15T19:30:00.000-08:00

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD
Shoe Saleman (for only 1 day)
Carwash Person (also, for only 1 day)
Peanut/Soda Vendor
Office Gopher

FOUR MOVIES I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
The Last of The Mohicans
Amelie
Chasing Amy
Snatch

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED
Pilipinas (for the first 8 yrs of my life)
Northwest of the U.S.
Fredrikstad, Norway
Southwest of the U.S.

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE(d)
Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Martin
Beverly Hills 90210
Party of Five

FOUR PLACES I'VE VACATIONED
Paris, France
Pilipinas
Amsterdam, Netherlands
New York City

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DISHES
Carne Asada burrito
Sushi
Anything seafood
Hooters' Hotwings

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY
Gmail
Flickr
Fantasy Sports
Hotmail

FOUR PLACE I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
Europe
Brazil
Pilipinas
in my warm comfy bed

I love useless facts like these.

2006-01-30T12:44:00.000-08:00

Manure...

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T ", (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

It's quite random, actually!

2006-01-26T18:24:00.000-08:00

I no longer have internet access at home, which is a good thing (I think). Yeah, it is. I get into too many trouble. -_^ Plus I spend half of my day on it at work anyway. I'm actually able to get things/errands done, rather than just sit on my bum all evening.

I hosted a dinner party last night for 9 people including myself. DW is in town and will only be here for a short period, so I thought a small gathering would be nice. Everything from the pasta to the chicken were pre-made, haha! Though I worked my magic here and there. But I do believe if given a whole day to prefer for it, oh I'd definitely work my magic. Mm-hmm. Receiving some positive feedbacks this morning, I think it went well, too.

Two days before I left for my 3-week vacation last month, I had two roommates move in. QP & ND. They're both females. And yes, they're a couple. They're good people, and couldn't have ask for better people to move-in as roommates. I'm glad they found my ad, because I sure didn't wanna deal with roommate searching when I got back from my trip.

With his request of wearing his chosen gloves being granted, Manny beat the shit out of Erik! Damn, we celebrated like we had just won a million dollar! Oooh those body shots and the left hook that ended it, which left Erik stretched out for the first time in his career. Man, Manny definitely "painted" a masterpiece that night. And it's not often that we, Fil-Ams, have something to gloat about from the homeland. Though when we do discover of one, we stick to it like white on rice.

Well, there you go, Ms. G... hope you're happy! ;-P

Happy New Year!

2006-01-18T14:08:00.000-08:00

It's not often that I make a new year resolution. In fact, I don't even recall the last time I did. So to ring in the new year I thought I'd change it up a bit and actually churn one out for a change. Drum roll please!...

My resolution for this new year is to write/blog more often. *tada!*

However, here were are 18 days into the new year, and yet I'm barely writing my first entry. Yeah, I know. How lame.

May God be with you.

2005-11-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday my sister sent out an email in the early morning requesting everyone to pray for Kuya Rey. The night before he was rush back to the hospital due to his condition.

That same afternoon my sister mentioned that he was pretty much gone. A majority of his internal organs were not functioning any longer, and that hospital machines were the only thing that was keeping him alive.

On Friday, November 18th, at around 2 in the afternoon, his immediate family decided to let him be and to let him finally rest in peace.

My cousin was only 36 years old.

The viewing will be held this Wednesday and Saturday. His body will then be flown back to the Philippines for his wife and extended relatives to pay their final respect. And am assuming that he will be bury next to his dad.

I will always remember him for his non-stop humor, his loud voice which everyone can hear from across a room, how he would always greet me with "moshi moshi!" or "pulos!", and how he would sometimes jokingly announce, "an dito na ang manga japon!", when any of my siblings or myself enters the room. :*)

Those things will always bring a smile on my face. And I would rather like to remember him for them, instead of the pain and suffering he endured with his short battle with cancer.

RIP Kuya Rey. We will truly miss you.

Self Worth

2005-11-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200 he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who do love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are. You are special, don't ever forget it."

Remember to count your blessings, not your problems. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow, what a ride!"

I don't believe it was inevitable at all.

2005-09-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

Two Sundays ago, my grandma celebrated her 81st birthday. Thus there was a get-together at my parents' house, where the party was held. Everyone and their momma were pretty much there.

I was in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water inside a cooler when my brother tapped me over my shoulder and asked in a whispering tone, "Hey, have you heard about Kuya Ray yet?"

My first thought was, "Oh no, what'd he do this time around?" Although he's never really gotten into deep trouble with the law, however, he's involved himself in some petty mischief here and there in the past. Though with a sheepish smirk I instead asked, "No, what?"

"He has cancer."

I didn't know how to reply to it. My jaw was literally dropped to the floor not wanting to believe what my brother had just said. I do recall myself repeatedly asking, "Are you serious? Are you serious?", with a shock looked on my face and my eyes wide open.

It was tough to take it all in, due to the fact that it doesn't run in the family. At least not that I'm aware of. Well, maybe his dad's side of the family (his mom & my dad are sister/brother), but I've yet to hear of anyone. My assumption is due to the many years of smoking, which he still does. But he's only in his mid-30's.

I crossed path with my sister, which she then confirmed what my brother had said. She further mentioned that chemo is not going to be of help, because it has gotten deep inside his bones. The doctors are giving him one year to live, from what I was told. Damn. That shit sucks!

And here almost 2 weeks later, it's still haven't been openly talked about. God knows why everyone are hush-hush about it. I guess, like myself, everyone is still in disbelief.

It's just odd, because the last time I saw him in person, he looked healthy as ever. I honestly don't know what to say the next time I see him.

It's been confirmed!

2005-09-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that christmas time is the most romantic time of the year. It's just the glow of the season that make it so. And the movie, Love Actually, finally comfirmed my long time assumption, heh.

What a fun, feel-good movie it was. I fancied how they portrayed the U.S. president as a scum, and the American white girls as whores. Haha.

Those crazy Brits!

Damn you, Katrina!

2005-08-31T21:54:00.000-07:00

On the way to work early this morning, I passed about 4 gas stations all together. I couldn't help but noticed the gas prices. They were ranging from $2.79 to $2.84 per gallon for regular fuel. Now that was just this morning.

On the way back home this afternoon, I couldn't help but noticed the gas prices, again. They jumped up 10 cents! In a span of 8 hours? WTF?!

And this evening, I was watching the NBC Nightly News covering the destruction the hurricane had left in Louisiana/Mississippi. I honestly never have thought that the effect of it would be this bad, you know, you often hear of hurricanes occurring in Florida, and leaving minor damages and few deaths here and there. But this one is rather awful. Damn.

Furthermore, towards the end of the broadcast, they showed a short segment of gas prices around the country. It's sad and all, but I think I was a lot more in shock seeing gas prices exceeding over $5! Ok, not really but damn.

I think I'll be in for another surprise while driving in to work tomorrow morning.

Just a lil' remind to myself...

2005-08-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

"I look at things in a different light. For one, nobody is invincible. Everybody goes through difficult situations in their life. The key is how you handle those situations. You can blame other people or you can look at things in a positive light and overcome them and be a different person. I've chosen to look at it as everything happens for a reason. In the long run I will appreciate more."

- LaDainian Tomlinson

Friends regardless

2005-07-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I got a chance to know a person a little better. Both on the physical and mentally side of things. Fascinating to say the least. Her background and her past, that is. Though I'm quite sure I've only gotten into tidbits of here and there.

I was caught off guard on a few things, but not shaken. I mean it's like I've never heard nor met anyone with similar stories. It's just, you know, it was somewhat mind bobbling a person with such an angelic face and out-going personality would commit such things. It was just a bit difficult to picture and placing two-in-two together.

And I'll be the first to admit that we both live two different ways of life, level of comfort, daily routine, and the like. Some that I've only pondered at times. Heck, you might even say two different worlds.

Though don't get me wrong, I honestly think that she's good people. An intelligent human being, I might add. I truly do respect her views and her chooses. And I sincerely can't say anything bad about her either. She is her own person afterall.

Who am I to judge someone base on their past and what have you, right? I truthfully don't. Lightning strikes me now if I'm lying through my gadamn teeth. God only knows I try to find the good in everyone I meet (hey that rhymes!).

But let's just put it this way, I've always been a firm believer of "treat others the way you want to be treated". Yeah yeah blah blah blah. Well, I do.

I frankly didn't expect much, other than the fact of building on an already established friendship. Though as always, I found myself holding back on numerous occasions.

She replied on the 12th

2005-07-18T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

sorry for the lack of updates, I have been on the go since the tour started Thursday morning. I am in Barcelona right now, and will be going to a flamenco show tonight, which is very exciting, and I am so incredibly stoked. I only have about 25 mins left before we have to get ready. The nice thing about Barcelona is that everything is soo much cheaper than in Paris.

Paris was absolutely gorgeious, and I can´t believe how much i fell in love with the city. I will definitely be going back there soon. We wandered around the Louvre, made our way to the eiffle tower (which does have bocce courts underneath it!), and then down Champs Elysees.

After that we went to Fontainbleu briefly, ate a crepe, mm chocolate crepe! And then made our way to the beautiful french countryside, and stayed in Chateau de Cruix. There I made friends wtih one of the staff members, and everyone found out that I did have a slight crush on him, and was ridiculed beyond belief. Oh well. We had a picnic lunch on this spot that is about an hour hiked from the chateau, called The top of the world. It was absolutely gorgeous. I have pictures!

We arrived yesterday in Barcelona, after about 12 hrs on the bus. It was a very long day. We´ve been wandering around La Rambla. Like I said tonight, it is dinner and a flamenco show. I bought a leather jacket here, mm but not the carmel color I had had my heart set on. It is alright, and also got pearl earrings for 19 euro. Not bad, not bad.

Tomorrow we are headed to Antibes, in France, we have the option of going to the beach or going shopping in Cannes. I think I will just stay around in the shade. Having that picnic, I got very burnt, even tho I wore a hat and had sunscreen on. It still hurts 2 days later!

I am having a lot of fun, and have tried to call home several times, but no one seems to like me at home. Given there is a 9 hr time difference (9 hrs ahead). I will try to call my folks again tomorrow sometime when we get to Antibes. Been walking around like crazy.. it´s been fun, and i have already made life long friends. Cheesy, I know, but it is soo true!

I hope you all are doing well, and thanks for those of you who asked if I was alright. The bombings occurred only 2 hrs after we had left. There was one in Russell square which was aobut a block and a half away from my hotel, very very scary. But I am alright, and I hope that the trains are working again by the time I get back on the 31st. See you all in a few weeks!!

~~Love you all.~~

The ex

2005-07-07T22:39:00.000-07:00

My coworker asked me earlier today if the bombing had something to do with London being nominated as the host of the 2012 Olympic, or some sort of protest regarding the G8 Summit that's currently taking place in Scotland. My first thought was 'Iraq'. And answered 'no'.

Due to the fact that the UK is taking a huge role with the war in Iraq, I believe that played more of a role of the heartless violence that took place today (take Spain for an example). I told him to not be too surprise either if another "participating" country will also be targeted in the future.

About half an hour later, the radio announced and confirmed that a terrorist network claimed responsibility to the entire devastation.

If I recall correctly it was around 1:30 in the early morning when the news broke. I was slowly snoozing off to sleep when I overheard CNN broadcasting an early development of the whole incident, which at first it seemed like no one knew that it would eventually arise into something extreme.

It was first reported that it might have been a malfunction in the electrical structure of their subway system. With my eyes mildly closed, I keep an ear open and kept listening to the news. Then it hit me! Holy shit.

The first thing I did when I got to work this morning was fire her off an email.

Although we may no longer see things eye-to-eye and often found in a slight quarrel over the phone before ending a conversation, however, she was thoughtful enough to add me on the update emails of her current European endeavor. Her first stop is London of all places, and has been there for 4 days now.

As of quarter to 11 tonight, I've yet to receive a reply and hear from her. I just hope she's well, safe, and away from this complete chaos.

Rest In Peace

2005-07-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

I'm dying.

/cue a banshee-like harmony of an eerie violin

For close to 2 weeks now that I'm unable to shake off this cold that's leering around like an unwanted stray dog. No over-the-counter medicine seems to be doing the job. And it seems like it has taking a life of its own.

I have this nasty head congestion that appeared 3 days ago. Along with coughing up some vile clumps of phlegm, minor chest pain, slight fever, and last the unwelcomed body ache, it frightened me to the point where I finally decided to check into a clinic. I've never been in this helpless state before.

I had to leave work early today due to the fact that I couldn't focus properly. The illness took over. As a result, I couldn't get anything done. My next stop was at the Urgent Care.

I must have sat in the waiting room for over half an hour til my name was finally called. And hey! What do you know. I sat in this tiny room for another 15 min or so. Fucking great. All I wanted to know was what was going on.

When the physician finally showed up, I made sure to describe detail to detail of what was going on inside. A few questions from him, and few questions from my end, and voila!

I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. So ok, I'm not dying afterall. I was then prescribed a bottle of antibiotics, which needs to be taken twice a day.

Sigh. Thank god this ordeal is almost over with. I fucking hate being sick!!

Emo at heart

2005-07-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with this song!... Daphne Loves Derby's "Simple, Starving To Be Safe".

lately i've been thinking so strangely about the clouds
and how they seem to slowly fade away, yeah
maybe someday we will find a way to disappear
just me and you on silver lining dreams

ohh how could i survive without your love
and the hope you bring
ohh even when the sky is falling down
i know i have you and it's all i need

Though I dedicate it to no one in particular. I just love the lyrics, the melody, and flow of the song. Thus, I'm slowly getting back to songwriting again. Yep, I've composed several in the past. Though mostly angst-like, you know, rather forlorn lyrics.

It's fun.

Demanding times ahead

2005-06-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

I was told that the first two years of being a home owner are the toughest years. Man, they can say that again. They weren't kidding one bit on that statement alone.

With the amount of money I've already invested in the place, I could have gone around the world and back. Thrice times!... (ok maybe not, and am overstressing it a bit too far)... but hot damn!

I guess I'm just bitching 'cause I'm really watching my spendings. I had no choice but to veer away from being a compulsive spender. And so far so good (I think). Though I'm in need or a little more tweaking. Sigh.

I'm trying not to get too discourage about the whole situation. I simply find myself often reminded thatthe place is a great investment, and it's something valuable which will benefit quite well in the future. As a friend once said, "think of it as another bank account".

A very costly asset, I say. Yep.

Decision, decision

2005-06-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

I caught some type of bug last Friday. I don't know whether it was from the lunch I ate, or it was due to surfing in the semi-frigid ocean water right after work. While we were out for sushi late that same evening, little by little I felt it coming. Though it didn't come full blown til I got home. Thus, I was bed ridden - with stuffy head and a sore throat - the whole day on Saturday.

It's one of the things I loathe the most is being sick, feeling helpless. I must have consumed about a gallon of orange juice that day, including a hefty amount of sore throat remedy. And I must say that TheraFlu works wonder. Amen. I felt a bit better later on that night.

And so here I am on a Monday with a minor cough/runny noise, still indecisive whether or not to risk it and paddle out right after work. All day I normally monitor this webcam, and since this morning the surf's been fairly good with a decent glassy and nice form. What I like to call "fun waves", heh.

I'm at a fork. Enjoy the surf and gamble my improving condition? Or wait it out and hope that the surf continue on throughout the week?

Hmmm. Decision, decision. *cough*

Long-ago Part I

2005-06-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

Ocassionally, I would go through my archive and read through what I've written in the past, you know, laugh at myself and what not. Heh.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

George Bernard Shaw once said, "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." However, lately I'm starting to doubt that statement. I believe it should be a combination of both finding and creating yourself.

So yesterday while a book store, I took the first initiative step in trying to somewhat "discover" myself, by purchasing a book by Steve Hagen. Buddhism; Is Not What You Think. The first paragraph of the prologue read...

This is not a feel-good self-improvement book about how to become more spiritual. It's an intensely practical book about how to live our daily lives openly and honestly, with wisdom and compassion. It's a book about being awake to Reality - about being fully human.

You read that, too? Being awake to reality! About being fully human! After reading that paragraph, I had to purchase it.

I looked into this particular subject after reading many journal entries of a friend's experiences with buddhism, especially a most recent one. And more and more, I'm becoming fascinated with it. Thank you, lady.

I never did get a chance to finish that book. I do recall why I placed it aside, too. I couldn't quite comprehend the reading itself. I think I made it through 9 pages re-reading it a few times to process it through. I'll have to go find it, and attempt to read it again.

That entry was in late 2003, eh? It seems like it was just yesterday. That was the year I was laid-off, moved back home, and was very lost, the year where I tried to "find" myself. The turn around is quite amazing, I thought, in less than 2 years.

I'm at a point in life where I feel like all the pieces are finally falling into places. Slowly but surely. Yes, it was worth that long strenuous wait.

Salamat

2005-06-04T02:45:00.000-07:00

Thank you for finally answering the questions. I wanted to personally hear it in person, mano y mano, face to face. Though they may not be the answers that I wanted to hear, however, I'm at peace with it at last. I hold no grudge whatsoever. Honest.

I held tightly on to a little thing called "hope", but was only blinded by the thought of it that was non-existent. I've asked, "what are the chances, again?" And your reply was, “who knows what the future holds.”

That wasn’t good enough for me. Especially if you still have him lingering around, and to “have fun” with. You're expecting me to wait? Sorry, but no thank you.

Indesicive or not, but you’ve made your chose. And after tonight, I’ve eventually made mine, too. Again, thanks for opening my eyes. I can finally have my closure regarding this, and eventually move on with things.

Aged

2005-05-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

It’s somewhat tough to accept that my parents are getting older now, sorta like grandpa/grandma-ish old. The wrinkles are starting to develop, which is quite an obvious appearance on their leathery-bronzed-like hands. Though it’s a lot more evident with my dad's “outer shell”, so to speak.

I’ve taken noticed that his steps are not what it once was. I usually admire him from afar, and only then look away when he’s nearing. He literally walks, well, like an old man as mentioned, taking his merry elderly time.

It seems like everything he does nowadays is in reduced speed, you know, in slow motion? Yeah, like that. I’m concern that he’s not getting the proper exercise, too. In fact, I’m trying to educate my parents regarding it, but it’s tough. And next year he’s to finally retire, which he’s long for quite sometime now.

My dad is a meek reserved person, a man of very few words. Though I’m sure ton of thoughts goes on inside his head. I’m the same. And whom I’ve inherited my, often than not, random quietness.

However, when he’s around the baby, he’s the most animated person you’ll ever witness. I would display a small beam in my face, just seeing him in such a lively cheerful state. The miracle of a baby, eh? You gotta love it!

And recently, I made a vow to myself that I would stop by their place and visit them at least once a week. Yes ma’am, I’m sucking up my pride! I figured why not savor the moment while they’re still living, right? I hate to admit it, but they are after all at that stage in life.

Plus, where else can I bum off some free food, including free laundry, and maybe even free groceries! Yet again... gotta love it!!

Friendship

2005-05-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

It felt good to finally let out the frustration I had regarding Sabrina, which I had confined for a while. We had the talk not too long ago. It all started with a friendly email, you see.

I’ve been ignoring her calls as of late. Actually, I momentarily spoke to her this past weekend. "Momentarily" meaning I handed off the phone to my cousin, heh.

"Hey Ernie, someone wants to say hi real quick."

"Who is it?"

"It’s… umm… HERE!" *toses my mobile*

Yep, they spoke for nearly half an hour. I had to thank him for bailing me on that one.

But back to the story. She and I have been good friends for over 3 years now. She’s the type of person that is easily offended when criticized. So I sometimes am cautious of what I say around her. In other words, she can dish out with ease, though a different story when she’s on the receiving end.

Well, tonight it was different. I let it all out. I called her out on every single subject, starting with the email. To my surprise, she willingly agreed on many of them. Furthermore, she was even apologetic on how she’s offended me. I honestly expected a different outcome.

Our friendship has always been based on open communication, so she says. Though I’ve made her aware that it hasn’t been like that, because I held back on several occasions.

But I think tonight we came to a full understanding of our so-called "friendship", you know, a light bulb finally lit. Or something like that.

Assumptions

2005-05-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

Her cousin's getting married, not this coming weekend, but the next. So she's driving down with her family, and will be here on Thursday. The plan is to take her around town on Friday night, you know, to catch up on things.

I think I have a slight clue of why she has her guards up when it comes to me. She somewhat knows my past relationships with the opposite sex. I remember mentioning that all she had to do was ask. And that she did with no hesitation at first.

Of course she has her assumptions, and would jokingly blurt ‘em out loud. But they’re by far from being the truth. I somewhat sense that she wants to ask further questions, but a bit tentative to do so. Seriously, I have nothing to hide. I’m past with that phase of life.

I’m trying to be nonchalant when she talks about other guys in her life. I don’t know if she’s testing me or what. Yeah it irks, but I bite the bullet anyway (The way I see it, you can't force love on to anyone else. It has to go both ways with the two parties). So I go along with it, and give her advices or just hear her out.

Furthermore, I wasn’t surprised either when she mentioned that she got back with him. But the thing that puzzles me is why the fuck would you leash him along if you know for a fact that you don’t see a future with him?! Don't tell me that "I'm just having fun with it"...??? Now riddle me that, Batman!

And you know what it is? She’s afraid to get played. I know so. But like I've mentioned, that phase is long over with. Cross my heart, and hope to die.

D'OH!

2005-05-23T23:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier, you know, transfering my things on here instead! Thanks for reminding me with the recent message, Grace. I apologize for disappearing for a long period of time, heh.

But here, let me explain real quick...

Though the files are still there, however, I no longer have access to them. I'm guessing the lovely host has changed the password once again, and have forgotten to notify me about it... or... hmmm.

No worries though. She "housed" me for over 2+ yrs, anyway. And I'd rather not bug her about it any longer. The chances of you running into this is highly slim to none, but thank you again for putting up with me, Anna. And that's why ROTS hasn't been updated in ages.

So please stop yelling at me already. :P

Le sigh

2005-03-06T17:08:00.000-08:00

Little by little I’m slowly grasping the relationship between my mom and my grandma (Nanay). They don’t have the greatest relationship. More than once I’ve witnessed my mom lash out on her. And I’ve heard numerous incidents from my brother also.

Last week my sister and I got into a minor discussion about it. I learned from her that when my mom and her siblings were young, Nanay was very strict on them. One stories in particular, they would ask a week in advance if they’re able to go out and play with their friends. And when the day would arrive, Nanay would deny that fact that she had given them the permission to do so.

Nanay is now in her late 70’s. She stands just about 5 feet tall, with a fragile appearance and very soft-spoken. It’s hard to believe that she was once that type of person back then. Though I do have small recollections of her when still resided in the Philippines. I do recall her being a bit on the strict side, and being this authoritarian figure in the household. I told my brother about that, and he wasn’t too sure to either believe me or not. He was only 3 years old when we left.

Now I’m noticing my relationship with my mom is somewhat the same. Though I’ve learned to hold things back and just walk away. My mom was the same as her mom when we were young, strict and held us on check more often than not. It’s hard for me to just open up to her.

And although their home is just minutes away, I haven’t visited in almost a month. My sister, who resides in the east coast, is the only person who knows the reason why I don’t visit. I mentioned to her how I don’t like the melancholy vibe in their home. It just looms there like a gray cloud not wanting to disappear.

Hi, again

2005-02-24T21:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't spoken to her in almost a week. We played phone tag for two days, and finally got a hold of each other on the third. Of course through emails of all things. Now I'm somewhat hesitant on calling, whereas before it seemed second nature to do so. It's like part of me doesn't wanna deal with it anymore.

She's gung-ho about moving to SoCal after all. My friend is a Project Manager for an architecture firm, and since that's her line of work, she'd ask me to forward her resume and put in some good words. I couldn't say no.

Though a part of me is wanting to latch on, however, I'm finding myself giving up on it. Just like that. That's always been a problem with my relationship with women. I think that's why I've never been in a committed relationship before. I doubt things to easily. Whenever I think there's no hope for future, I cut ties and don't give it a second though.

Maybe I'm afraid to commit? I don’t know really. I remember when Q told me that she loved me. We were snuggled warmly in bed, and out of the blue she uttered, "hon, I love you". My eyes lit open wide and found myself dumbfounded through it all. And all I could reply was, "oh really?" I’m sure those weren't the exact words she was hoping to hear as my response. I couldn't say it back 'cause I would’ve been lying through my gaddamn teeth. We were silent for 15 minutes.

See what I mean by karma? I think I’m finally getting mine.

Fustration

2005-02-16T17:17:00.000-08:00

The opposite sex confuses the heck out of me! Though I'm sure they say the same thing when they talk about the male population, too. Seriously, I just don't get it sometimes. It's like what the fuck, man! And just when I thought that she and I are on the right track, she would then throw me a gaddamn curveball all over again!

Before I left the Northwest, "Tanner" and I dated for a month. The only reason for the break up was because of my move back home. I've already made up my mind about the move before we even got involved. In a way it was tough to leave. She made it tough to leave. Yet at the same time I really needed to go. God only knows how our relationship would have blossomed if is she had asked me to stay.

We had great chemistry! In fact we still do. If only the battery of my phone can last more than 3 hrs, our conversations would last for hours upon hours and hours. And lately we've been in constant contact of each other, again.

I'm quite aware that she's just gotten out of an 8-month relationship. And I respected that. I gave them their space. Because for damn sure I wasn't willing to play the role of a "home wrecker"! And now that's it over, I'm hearing talks of what she wants to do. How she's willing to move out here if she's able to find a job in her field. I'm ok with that, and I support her 100%!

But please please PLEASE!!! don't tell me that you're ready to move on when you're having difficulties answering some of my questions! Don't tell me you're ready to move on when I hear voices in the background of your apartment and you can't tell me who that person is, and is quick to change the subject right away! Don't tell me you're ready to move on and you make some lame excuses for not picking up the phone the night before!

I wanna be able to base a relationship on trust! What the fuck, Chuck?!?! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! #@(*&*%$)_*%#@&) And I'm having my doubts! Women... *sigh*... can't live with them, can't live without them.

Shoot me already, gaddamnit!

Revival of That Someone

2005-02-14T23:35:00.000-08:00

When I first started blogging my everyday life 3 yrs ago, it was because I wanted to be able to reflect back on events that I considered life changing. Ok, maybe not so much life changing per say, but more or less moments I held dearly to which I wanted to jot down.

I lived in the Northwest then, and had just gone through a break up. I needed some type of medium to let out some pent up emotions I held inside. And blogging was able to help me out with what was going on then. Therapeutic in a way I guess you can say. I let it all out in my journal. Back then, I was writing for myself.

Lately, especially the latter part of last year, I've noticed I've shied away from how it all started. I felt like I wasn't writing for myself any longer, but instead for the amusement of other people. I held myself back on many occasions, and noticed myself withdrawing more and more away from it all. So two weeks ago I decided to pull the plug, so to speak.

But now I've return. Only to remain anonymous this time around. Faceless. Oxymoronic thinking, I know. For myself, this is the only way I'll be able to write without the thought of being judge or perceive as the person with that face.

As much as I wanted to get away from it all, however, I just couldn't do so. Thousands upon thousands of thought go through my head, and I still wanna be able to capture it all in writing instead of them just disappearing forever without given a second though. And so a new ~~chapter~~ book begins.